I so, so wanted to do a non-mcsmooch smooch!

Title: Don't believe everything you're told (because you might find out it's true)
Author: Devera
Pairings: Lorne/Sheppard
Rating: R
Words: 885
Series: SGA

Summary: Alien plant life. Lorne would never have believed it if he hadn't... well, you know.



Evan really hadn't believed all of David's stories. Botanists couldn't be trusted half the time and David, Evan suspected, couldn't be trusted the other half. So when Sheppard brushed up against one of the pod like trees that spotted the landscape of P3R-622 on their way back to the jumper, and it promptly leaned over, opened up and spilled its contents all over Sheppard, the only thing Evan could do was near double over laughing hysterically.

Except Sheppard went from looking a little freaked out at the goop that was unexpectedly covering him to quarterback tackling Evan to the ground, which was also about as unexpected. It was pretty much at around about this point that Evan wondered if maybe all Parish's crazy stories about weird botanicals and their behaviour-modifying properties might have had a kernel of truth to them after all.

"Oh, crap," Sheppard said, jerking his head back and licking his lips and looking kind of deer-in-the-headlights startled.

"Oh, shit," Evan said too, but not because his CO had just planted one on him or even because he was suddenly kind of fixated on whether it was Sheppard he could taste or the goop. "You're, uh..." he started, but the regs were actually too ingrained to finish that sentence, and potentially so was his sense of self preservation. "That was kind of..."

He thought he was probably about to say 'good', so when Sheppard said, "Yeah," his voice high and thin and panicky, and shifted in a way that could be only described as awkward, managing to sort of slot into place on top like he was actually meant to be there, Evan really did not know what to think or even if he could.

"Yeah..." Evan found himself agreeing, and Sheppard was warm – no, hot – his body temperature seemed suddenly way too high, and he was all bony angles and lean lines and Evan had never actually noticed before- Okay, so he'd noticed, he just hadn't thought about- Well, he might have occasionally thought... Alright, fine, fantasized. In the privacy of his own quarters, though! Definitely never on duty. Mostly never on duty, but Christ, John Sheppard was... Sheppard was really…

"Uh..." Evan started slowly, because this was nothing like any of the thoughts Evan had seriously, honestly never had about his CO; but he was kind of wondering whether it should have been. "Sir?"

"I totally didn't mean to..." Sheppard panted, still looking wild-eyed, like he wanted to bolt and couldn't. "I mean, okay I might have thought about... Maybe, but..."

Evan was trying to follow, honestly he was. But plant goop was getting everywhere; on Evan's skin and in his hair and seeping through his clothes and Sheppard felt so good sprawled across him and he totally hadn't decided to put his hands on his CO's ass, had no idea how they'd gotten there in fact and maybe he just needed to buy some time until Sheppard got a grip or the jungle juice wore off or something.

Except there was just one thing...

"You can't seriously be telling me," Evan gasped, and somehow he was hitching Sheppard's hips closer without even meaning to, "that all that crap around the base about sex pollen is actually true?!"

"Oh, god, yes," Sheppard groaned, and he didn't seem to be confirming Evan's query so much as agreeing to where Evan had his hands. He - Jesus God - just shifted into Evan's grip like he wanted more and that just made Evan grip him harder, which likely would have made Evan's hard-on about as obvious as Sheppard's. "Fuck, yes. I mean, no! This is bad. Probably. No, definitely. This is definitely bad."

"Define bad," Evan demanded, and later he was going to give himself points for managing to sound so philosophical about it when Sheppard was straddling one of his thighs and had pretty much started humping it. "Are we talking finding out sex pollen actually exists because your CO jumps you bad, or taking advantage of your CO while under the influence of said sex pollen bad, because I definitely believe there are degrees to these things."

"Fucking hell," Sheppard said, looking a bit feverish. "I never realized but you talk way too much, and take advantage. Seriously. Or I'll make it an order."

Evan shuddered, and his hand was jerking open Sheppard's fly and slipping down the front of Sheppard's BDU's before he'd even really thought about it.

"You," he said, and despite the angle it was astonishingly easy to get his hand around Sheppard's cock, "wouldn't know an order if it walked up and bit you."

Sheppard managed to glare, even while Evan gave him a long hard stroke, and then another. "That's, 'if it walked up and bit you, Sir'," he groaned. "Now, fuck me. That's an order."

And oh, god. Oh, god. This was either the worst, or the absolute god damn best thing that had ever happened to Evan Lorne.

"Sure, Sir," Evan grinned, because even under the influence of alien sex pollen, he just couldn't resist. "But what'll we use for lube?"

Possibly, if Sheppard hadn't been too busy rutting into Evan's hand and then coming all over Evan's pants, he would have decked him for that. Or demoted him. Luckily, however, endorphins seemed to leave him pliant, accommodating, and moaning encouragingly while Evan did precisely what he was told.